Holiday Semi-Legal Offerings

​Sometimes what I offer you is densely legal, but this time it's less so and based more on my experience with human relations this time of year.  

Specifically, I suggest you not use a holiday family gathering for one of those important "talks" about who you're going to pick as your executor or trustee, or whether you're going to leave more to the starving artist than to the hedge fund manager.  While those are critical issues that do need to be broached thoroughly at some point, this isn't it.  People are already stressed out enough right now; there's often not enough time or privacy to fully explore these important issues; and maybe some of the participants have even had a little too much eggnog for a cogent conversation.  Believe me, I know whereof I speak.  When I was at the court, our domestic dispute docket exploded this time of year, and I would get several holiday calls when the police had to intervene based on family planning discussions that turned ugly.  

Instead, because these gatherings are often the ones that stick with us indefinitely, make them the kind that bring smiles to our faces, warm our cockles, and demonstrate our very best qualities - you know, generosity, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, appreciation. . . . the ones even Scrooge finally saw the light about.    

Sticking with those positive sentiments, I'll also suggest that this is a great time to reconnect with folks we've drifted from or pushed away for some, often forgotten, reason.  Grudges and hard feelings are unhealthy things to hold onto - like cigarettes for the soul - and this season provides the ideal time to let them go.  Believe me yet again, burying an old hatchet can be the best gift you can give and you'll feel better about doing it than about anything you could buy.  I wrote a couple of years ago about a father who finally made holiday peace with his long-estranged daughters, and I have personal knowledge that it's made all the difference about how they remember him.   It really turned out to be the gift that's kept on giving. 

So, to put a legal bow on this, I suggest you consider not dismissing that child or grandchild you never hear from, or who did some regrettable thing even they might now regret, or who never turned out the way you hoped.  Instead, consider providing for them in some way that shows your concern about their past, but hope for their future - say, perhaps leaving something for them in trust that would help remedy rather than perpetuate a bad situation. 

And whether you agree with me about all this or not, please have a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa - or just holiday time - with your friends and families.