Runyon Law Office, PLLC

  • Home
  • Attorney Profile
  • Areas of Practice
  • Staff
  • Food for Thought
    • Suggestions for Senior Dilemmas - 03/03/2020
    • SECURE in the Knowledge - 02/06/2020
    • Holiday Semi-Legal Offerings 12/19/2019
    • From One State to Another - 11/20/2019
    • What to Do with Those Documents - 06/05/2019
  • Food for Thought Archive
  • Your Thoughts
  • Directions
  • Contact Us
  • Our Town
  • Vital Signs Material

A Holiday Parable by Phil Runyon

12/22/2015

 

A Holiday Parable

Here's a story that might be useful to you or a family member or a close friend.

Many years ago I had a "senior" client who had become estranged from his daughters.  They were upset because he'd married another woman several years after their mother died, and although their father's second wife was a fine person who did her best to embrace the family, the daughters would have none of it.  They wouldn't speak to the new wife or even visit their father because "she" would be there.  Finally, even the lines of written communication were severed.

The father was distraught by his daughters' reaction, which he viewed as extremely selfish.  I heard his lament many times: Couldn't they see he wasn't replacing their mother, yet they were denying him the last smidgen of happiness he might have?  Eventually, the situation also angered him, and he executed a new will that left the daughters out completely.  I wrote the will the way he wanted it, but it always nagged at me that the outcome seemed more like a family tragedy than good planning.

A couple of years went by with no thaw in relations.  Finally, I just called the father one day and asked whether I could contact the daughters and make a pitch for reconciliation.  He said he would really appreciate that because he, too, had been feeling badly about where things stood.  I called each of the daughters, and it was as if the floodgates had opened.  They also felt terrible, as it turned out; they just didn't know where to start to repair the damage they'd done.  

The story has a happy ending.  The father eventually died, yes, but he and his daughters - and the new wife - made up in time. 

The trouble is, this scenario repeats itself too often.  Family members drift or break apart for any number of reasons.  Sometimes they can't even remember exactly why.  Then, as more time goes on, the ice thickens, and no one knows how to break through.  Everyone worries that their overtures will be rebuffed, so no one picks up the phone and just says, "I'm sorry, let's fix things."  Saying "I'm sorry" is critical, whether it's really your fault or not - and frankly, who cares at that point.

Anytime is the right time to make that call - but right now is the best time of all.  No one held it against Scrooge that he did a 180 and became the lovable uncle.  Bygones were forgotten, and no one looked back.  In fact, being the one to break the ice not only feels really good, but it puts you squarely on the high ground, and may even short-list you for the Nobel Peace Prize - you could do worse than that.

Posted 12/22/2015 Misc.

Comments are closed.

    Archives

    April 2019
    February 2019
    July 2018
    March 2018
    October 2017
    July 2017
    October 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    November 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Asset Protection
    Estate Planning
    Miscellany
    Probate
    Real Estate
    Tax Planning

Copyright ©  2012-2021 Runyon Law Office, PLLC