A Holiday ParableHere's a story that might be useful to you or a family member or a close friend.
Many years ago I had a "senior" client who had become estranged from his daughters. They were upset because he'd married another woman several years after their mother died, and although their father's second wife was a fine person who did her best to embrace the family, the daughters would have none of it. They wouldn't speak to the new wife or even visit their father because "she" would be there. Finally, even the lines of written communication were severed. The father was distraught by his daughters' reaction, which he viewed as extremely selfish. I heard his lament many times: Couldn't they see he wasn't replacing their mother, yet they were denying him the last smidgen of happiness he might have? Eventually, the situation also angered him, and he executed a new will that left the daughters out completely. I wrote the will the way he wanted it, but it always nagged at me that the outcome seemed more like a family tragedy than good planning. A couple of years went by with no thaw in relations. Finally, I just called the father one day and asked whether I could contact the daughters and make a pitch for reconciliation. He said he would really appreciate that because he, too, had been feeling badly about where things stood. I called each of the daughters, and it was as if the floodgates had opened. They also felt terrible, as it turned out; they just didn't know where to start to repair the damage they'd done. The story has a happy ending. The father eventually died, yes, but he and his daughters - and the new wife - made up in time. The trouble is, this scenario repeats itself too often. Family members drift or break apart for any number of reasons. Sometimes they can't even remember exactly why. Then, as more time goes on, the ice thickens, and no one knows how to break through. Everyone worries that their overtures will be rebuffed, so no one picks up the phone and just says, "I'm sorry, let's fix things." Saying "I'm sorry" is critical, whether it's really your fault or not - and frankly, who cares at that point. Anytime is the right time to make that call - but right now is the best time of all. No one held it against Scrooge that he did a 180 and became the lovable uncle. Bygones were forgotten, and no one looked back. In fact, being the one to break the ice not only feels really good, but it puts you squarely on the high ground, and may even short-list you for the Nobel Peace Prize - you could do worse than that. Posted 12/22/2015 Misc. Those Unavoidable TopicsRemember several months ago when I explained how you might maximize your Social Security benefits with a technique called "file and suspend". It looked too good to be true then, and now Congress has said it is, starting in April of next year. So you do still have time to put it in place if you qualify, and if you're already reaping the benefits, they'll last up to 4 more years. To learn the ins and outs, though, I suggest you read my message on that topic and then contact your local Social Security office (I gave you the numbers) to see what your remaining options may be.
To some of you Gen X and Millennial folks, it may seem like all I talk about are senior and elder law issues. But remember, most of you still have parents, maybe even grandparents, and you need to know what to do when they need your help. Lately, I've seen a number of you really scrambling when you lost one of those senior partners and then had no idea what to do about it. That may be more their fault than yours, but you might have helped them create a better road map for you. So what to do? You can work with them on getting a form completed like the one I've attached here, or if you want to go more extensive and commercial, you can head to Amazon for The LastingMatters Organizer. Then you can start a lively discussion about all the important decisions that need to be made. By the way, at least 82% of people surveyed say writing down things for their families is important, but only 28% actually do it. One of the "things" people should be clear about - that is, if they have any wishes at all - is the disposition of their actual selves. And unlike many post-mortem issues, like parceling out the family photos, this is one that needs to be attended to pretty quickly. There's lots of law on this subject, but let's just hit some high points. You can specify in writing who gets final custody of yourself, but it's probably not best to do it in your will, as that may not get dragged out for a week or two. Instead, one of those documents I mentioned in the last paragraph would be a much better place. If you don't say anything at all, the decisions default to your heirs in order of relationship - your spouse first, then your children, next your parents, then your siblings. If you're going with a funeral home, they know the drill, and while they get paid almost as much as lawyers, having someone else who can just take charge at a moment like that can be worth it (and I'm not being paid to say so). Even if you're not buying into the full array of services, however, the pros can handle "removal" and either arrange for burial or cremation. And if you're choosing the latter, you've also got the option of going straight to the Cremation Society of New Hampshire. One final point here: there's no law requiring embalming, no matter which option you pick, and there's no requirement that you be buried or cremated in any particular receptacle. OK, let's assume all the final bodily arrangements have been made; then there's where you'll spend eternity (whatever you think that means). Clearly, a little guidance from you on that topic would be helpful, too. I mean, are you envisioning the family mausoleum at Mount Auburn, or under the venerable oak in the backyard that you climbed as a child? The former is easy, but the latter is also a possibility in New Hampshire; that is, unless your town has an ordinance against private burial sites. Better check it out, if that's what you have in mind. Even if that's allowed, though, you're required to notify the local cemetery trustees, and here's an important factor: if there's a burial site on your property - and that includes both bodily remains and urns of ashes - you're required to state that location in the deed when you transfer the property. Better mull that over before you make a final decision, as it could seriously impact the property's marketability, even way down the road. For more on all this, including increasingly popular "green" burials, you might check out nhfuneral.org. Posted 12/01/2015 - Misc. statement_of_personal_information.pdf Download File |
Phil RunyonPhil Runyon has been practicing law in Peterborough, NH, for over 50 years. He has regularly sent out emails to his clients, keeping them updated on changes in the law that effect estate planning, and writing about other relevant concepts or planning techniques. Archives
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